The Cost of Worrying

One of my earliest steps toward minimalism was learning to discard the emotional baggage of worrying.   It came from an old friend named Adam.  Adam was one of those guys who always lives his life thinking positive.  He behaves in such a way that by being constantly optimistic about his decisions, he influences enough of the outcome to make a difference in his favor.  He used to say, "Let's get something done, even if its wrong."  There is science behind this method, and it works.  So out of respect for science, positive thinkers, and my friend, I'll just leave that, and not go into how annoying it can be for us people who don't religiously follow this strategy.  I'll say this.  If you do, and it works for you, awesome.  Share it in a blog so others can learn.  Live it by example.  Don't bring it up in a preachy way to a friend, especially when they're suffering for some reason.  Its not the right time to teach optimism tactics.  It makes them wish they could intentionally vomit on you.  You're right and slower, inward thought type people can't stand it that you are. 



I was a worrier.  I still am.  Its one of my biggest weaknesses.  I can't help it.  I'm a bit of an empath.  I feel others' pain and I concern myself with others' struggles far too often.  Its because I care.  Its because I love.  Its because I'm human and I want the best for everyone.  And often its completely useless.  Example: Its October 2, 2017, which happens to be the 35th anniversary of my father's death, and overnight, someone shot a concert from a window, killing 50 or so people, and injuring 500+ more.  I've lived loss of a loved one enough times to feel the  people grieving.  It makes me sad.  I'm thinking about their families.  I wish I could take it all away.  I wish I could reach out and heal all the hurt.  Nevada emergency services were phenomenal in their first response efforts.  The hospitals are doing all they can.  The families are all doing what they can.  I used to think I could if I felt sorrow hard enough, that my concerned heart could make a difference by feeling the world's pains and loving at them.  People often express this with prayer.  And I'm thinking of Nevada and all her people.  That's the desert where I lived when I learned from optimistic Adam.
  
It was after work, and we had a project that was started on my equitable proposition.  Our department had been tinkering our way around a production line issue for years, and talks had begun to shut that line down.  I had an idea to tackle it.  I pitched it.  The CEO approved it.  I completed the details of my revised product design.  We spent two months building things, and ironing out functional modifications to put my plan into action, and we were coming up on our deadline.  The final days I was on edge, both trying to tie up all the loose ends, and pondering the outcome.  Peoples' jobs were in the balance pending the success or failure of this new process.  My good friend, Adam noticed me excessively venting about it, and he patiently allowed me to voice all of my concerns.  Afterward, he asked me if I had done all I could.  I answered with a sharp "Of. Course. I. Have."  I mean really, you see me caring, right?  Can you not see, I am putting everything I've got into this.  My professional stress level had reached the red line. If it doesn't work out people could lose their jobs, their homes, their entire livelihoods, maybe a spouse, or kids even.  I dumped the world on top of this project.  Then he asked me, "Is there anything you can do about that?"   I paused, and in a state of utter humility, I realized that not everything is within my power, and that all that additional stress was not my responsibility.  Later, the project worked out and that handful of personnel did get to keep their production line open for business.  My idea, and our implementation, restored the equity of that product.  My loss of sleep, and gain in blood pressure did absolutely nothing for them, but it hurt me, and I realized then, that rising stress level could have hurt the results, had it consumed me badly enough to impact my work any in a negative way.  Thankfully, I only let it hurt me, and my happiness, and maybe Adam's ears.

I still struggle with worrying too much sometimes, but my awareness of what I can and can't control really helps me.  I catch it now.   Now, every time I feel worried.  I ask what I can do and if I'm doing it.  If I'm not doing it, I do something.  If I've done my part, I consciously make every effort to let it go.  I'll always be grateful to Adam for his patient way of teaching me this with a simple question.    If you worry, and you feel yourself dwelling on something negative, and feeling helpless, ask yourself what you can do, and if you're doing it.  Reduce the cost of worrying by ditching the emotional baggage that comes along with empathy and forgive yourself for not being able to be super human and fix everything.  Do something.  Even if its wrong.  You might just get lucky and do something right, and if not, at least you'll learn something.