The Stories of Us

Each of us has a story.  In fact, each of us might have many stories.  Some stories write themselves by chance, like that wacky time that we dressed up for Halloween to go out into an increasingly wicked October blizzard that dumped 18 inches of snow before the candy could be distributed.  Halloween decorations were ruined, and Christmas wasn't even on our minds yet.  It was so crazy. 

These kinds of stories happen to anyone and they might cause us to over-plan for special occasions. 

We want our planned events to be ((EPIC)) every single time.   So as hosts we try to make magic happen over our few hours, knowing that its possible because of the spontaneous magic we witness in our lives.  Sometimes it works, but usually we try too hard in my experience, like a holiday dinner party.  We should probably work out fewer details, and just allow the meal to transpire.  That crazy drunk uncle is more likely to make a party memorable than the special napkin color we hand select.  I won't say preparation is bad, because plans do show their quality.

I want to talk about the bigger life stories that involve persistence, patience, and of course, planning.  Magic can happen when people use their intentions.   Anthony's story that inspired this article is about a tree trunk project, and a book.  He opens by stating that, "Most people overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can do in a lifetime."  And I couldn't agree more. 

Fresco of the Sistine Chapel - Michelangelo

Imagine if you will, that you have completed half a dozen small projects already, and then you conceived an idea that you knew could become your magnum opus; an idea that you could really get passionate about, and explore the brilliant, far reaches of your talents.  Then you pitch your project only to find rejection after rejection because your idea is just too progressive.  You sit on it, never really letting it go, and keep plugging away at other various projects.  One day you get a break.  You get to jump into the mainstream and work on a longer, larger project that could earn you enough to perhaps invest in something bigger, so you jump on it.  Its a success.  You've impressed the capitalists.  You invest your earnings.  You put it all into your previously rejected vision.  You start to get some more backing.  And thus, your project is finally underway, and it will likely make or break you forever. 

I'm talking about George Lucas.  He had Star Wars screaming across the galaxy of his mind through various tedious films because nobody wanted to produce it.  He got his break with American Graffiti, and invested every dollar into self-producing his magnum opus.  40+ years later, Transferred to Disney it is still... well you know this story.  Practically everyone does.

No.  We don't all get to be George Lucas.  In fact, most of our opuses aren't historically noteworthy at all.  However, let's not split hairs over the intrinsic significance of our little masterpieces.  Our lives are first dedicated to ourselves, and to our families, and then perhaps even beyond for some.  The truth is, we never know how far our reach will go until we do it.  George knew his idea to be great.  He had no idea how big it would be at the time of inception.  He took his shot regardless of the outcome.

We need to follow our passions.  We need to accomplish a dream or two.  These things make us alive.  We also need to allow ourselves to fail, and to allow our failures to be one of our most important teachers.  And in the spirit of Anthony, here is how we can:


1. Breathe and Be kind to yourself

Even if you’re guilty of starting something and not finishing it, let that baggage go.  Maybe you lost interest.  Maybe you got stuck.  Maybe you just got lazy about it.  Forgive your shortcomings.  Be okay with whatever reason.  Pick it up again.  Or don't!  Maybe it wasn't as important as you thought it was, and something bigger, or just different is on your horizon.  There is no benefit in beating yourself up over it.  So just breathe.


2. Define your successes differently

Only you can determine what is valuable in your life.  Success isn't about riches, and it most certainly is not a popularity contest.  Moreover, the pace of your little magnum opus isn't dictated by anyone, perhaps not even you.

Let purity be a priority.  Whatever your aspiration, if it comes from within you, then it will always be just right and beautifully unique.


3. Use time as an ally, not as an adversary

Different projects demand more than others do.  And there will be things that pull you away.  When a project is daunting, break the plan into manageable tasks.  Some of those tasks might even be possible to delegate.  You just never know how big a thing you can accomplish until you wrestle the fear of its size and scope down to portions that fit into your field of vision. 

I can't even see South Dakota from where I sit and yet I've hiked over summit and through valley another 6 states away, because I broke the travel into the pieces I needed to get to those mountain tops.  Bus:flight:cab:train:shuttle:and walking.  I won't even get into how many moving parts there were to be able to paddle a canoe to the arctic ocean.  Further still, others have made it to the moon.  All done by breaking the daunting task into smaller, more manageable procedures. 


Don't forget to celebrate and reward yourself for the portions as well as the whole, because without them, the project will never be complete.  Can you imagine StarWars without a Chewbacca?  Me either.  Every part completes the whole.  And yes, I did just see "The Last Jedi"  and ((LOVED)) it. 

And again, I stress purity.  If your project or goal doesn't fit your values, didn't come from within your beating heart, maybe its not the most important thing to be weighing you down.  Dream with purity.

Many years from now, when we're both old and dying, what will you look back on and be glad that you kept doing?

2017

In a world full of humans frantically searching for a reconnect with their humanity, like a morning dove lost in a sandstorm, I found you.  Or you found me.  However the magic happened, I'm so grateful you're here.

photo

May we continue to share in all the years and holidays to come.

5 Examples of Metanoia

I learned a new word that has a definition which matches something many of us associate with the holiday season.  It is also something that happens to every single person I meet that has taken a plunge in one way or another into Living Minimalism. 

Interest in learning more usually stems from some vague, unclear want, or desire to shed the busyness of modern life.

that you have the most beautiful face

Then inexplicably, yet without fail, at some point of their journey there is a moment of clarity in which some hidden truth becomes exposed.  Some aspect of their daily lives that was once interpreted as a 'must have' stands out as ineffective, or even burdensome.  That is precisely when the desire to simplify becomes a need that leaves the person, mouth agape in disbelief, dumbfounded that they hadn't seen it sooner.  And so, they decide to fall in love with themselves all over again, and they begin to change.

After that, they see more and more items with the same realization.

George Bailey realized his loved ones were not better off without him, and that wasn't worth more dead than alive, because he had friends.

Ebenezer Scrooge realized he needed to drastically change his greedy ways.  In older versions of his story, he goes so far into benevolence that he appears insane with joy.

The nameless protagonist boy in the Polar Express who was doubting Santa hears the jingle of the bell, and thus his gift is "believing". 

The Grinch annihilated the entire capital industry of Who Village, only to witness them celebrate regardless.

"First you make all the mistakes one makes testing reality. Then you have a near death experience."  -Johnny Madden

met·a·noi·a  -  [medəˈnoiə]   noun

Change in one's way of life resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion.


Happy Metanoia Season!

May your profound experiences be life altering.   -JT

Holiday Conversation Challenge

Warning:  This is one of the hardest conversations our generation faces.  Its real and its intimate, and some of us only see family once or twice a year.  So, please, act accordingly.

Accordingly:  If you see a person once a year and its Christmas day, you have to communicate on Christmas day.  If you see them every week, you can bring this up as a holiday conversation near Christmas day.  Or maybe you celebrate a different holiday.  Use the apropos visit frequency with any holiday.

We're going to ask our elder who is going to get rid of all their shit when they're dead.   (not like that though, keep reading)  Because, like most of the people I know this is looming large, unspoken, like an elephant in the room, or a collection of cherubs in a room, or dusty boxes of TimeLife magazines in a room.  You know who I'm talking about.

Why is it looming?

The Great Depression vs. The Great Recession

An item often neglected in comparison essays of our most defining crises is financial infrastructure and how it translates to people.  Most essays like this one by Geoffry Michael, compare the causes of crisis, while breezing over the symptoms as mere statistics.  The people who talk about this stuff are economists experts first and human beings second.  What really matters to us is our own household economy.

• People had less space and less stuff in 1929.  
• Credit cards didn't exist yet, so people were paying cash for their belongings.  
• Grocers had their own credit lines for people living on the margins.  
• Household items weren't made out of plastic yet.  
• Not living in a manufactured obsolescence market.  Their goods weren't disposable.

When the economy crashed, let's pretend its '29.  Its not that you can't go get a loan because your FICA score is dented up a bit.  Instead your food supply is cut off.  So is your heat.  Your kids get sick, perhaps die.  You might pack up your valuables and flee from your creditors to the rough country of the midwest.  New emergency assistance was put in place to save American lives.j

The kids that grew up with that trauma, gave birth to the boomers, and they passed that second hand traumatic mentality of clinging to everything down to them.

Everything was valued and cherished, even irreplaceable.

The nostalgia of that family connection became a marketable fashion trend for households.  Antiquing became a significant part of our retail environment.  Hoarders became a thing due to the effects of escalation.  Contrast that with today's automation, the advent of plastics, engineered obsolescence, and the rise of the information age, coupled with the adverse effects of generational loss of do it yourself capability.  No need to repair>inexpensive plastic>easily replaceable abundance>junk>landfill.

So when the market crashed again in '07, this time our belongings lack value of attachment.  This time people are streamlining, becoming mobile, or becoming minimalists.  People are now looking to pinterest to learn how to do things grandma knew how to do when she was 7 years old.  Its not the physical tools we're valuing; its the survival skills we covet.  We're trying to buy less and rely on our hands more.  We're longing for things like:

• Changing oil.  
• Glazing windows.  
• Making soup.  
• Foraging for syrup.
• Crafting laundry detergent.

And this generation doesn't want all the stuff that's accumulated over the years, because most of that is crap too!  A hundred year old butter churn?  Sure.  Maybe if you're handy you can repurpose it into a shelving unit for your Kleen Canteens.  But most of it is just unwanted junk.  For many boomers, this is hard truth to reconcile.

So, how do you breach this with an unaware loved one?

Hint dropping:  "I heard that the antique mall in Stillwater has decreased its space by half!"  "Really?"  "Yeah, apparently the market for passing down items has really declined and things aren't selling well."

Or,  "It was so sad when Margaret passed, and it to top it off, it was so hard on Jon and Judy because they couldn't comfortably take the time to really go through all of her things"

**Hints only work if they aren't having memory problems, which is another issue entirely**

Start specific:  "You know Carl and I have been wondering about your sewing machine, do you still use it?, yeah because we'd really like to keep that in the family."  Converse about projects or whatever  "... no nothing else comes to mind"  and probably "No not that either.  Nope.  Not that either"

Be direct:  "Hey, I don't know if you're thinking about downsizing your unused belongings, I'm here if you want to talk about that process.  It sure would help me out a lot if we started that."

***Please comment below with other ideas to open this can of worms.***

Those are just a few ways to politely let them know you are thinking about them and their transition.  Its also really important to stay confident and know what your stance is the topic.  At the same time its also important to listen and know where your place is too.  We're still talking about their life, and their stuff.  Don't get ahead of yourself and treat them like they're dead already.  Yet stay firm so they know that you don't want a mountain of unwanted responsibility when they go.

Its a project you can work on together that is intimate, and if done with teamwork will bring you closer together before they go.

Nobody wants their legacy to be that they left their children with a burden.  So be honest.  Be loving.  Be strong.  Be helpful.  Be present.  Be part of a family.

3 Crucial Tasks After Crotch Coffee

The ongoing struggle of daily tasks and feeling overwhelmed is something we all face every single day.

One steaming hot mug of coffee spilled onto a tender lap can be enough to derail our readiness and willingness to (insert your daily task here).  Suddenly, nothing is going to go according to plan because;

• We're not properly caffeinated.  
• We worry about our appearance for that morning meeting due to the wet, and potentially brown stain near our most private area.  
• The day is practically ruined.  

deviant art credit alahey "Woman From Coffee Spill"

Rough starts of all kinds happen to the best of us.  Those that are most successful, seem to magically find ways to overcome life's little obstacles, meanwhile, pissing the rest of us off, because some of us have a ruined morning at least twice a week.  One of the ways people overcome these inner dramas involves diligent schedule management.  They forget the coffee issue and focus on their 8AM task.  By the time 9AM rolls around task one is complete, a new cup has manifested itself in some form, the spot on the pants is dry, and the day is going great.

Here are three examples of staying focused by successful leaders:

1.  Organized prioritization simplified by math.  Joseph M. Juran, was an engineer and management consultant who introduced the 80/20 rule.  It was named after the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who observed that 80% of income in Italy was received by 20% of the Italian population.  This 4:1 proportion has been proven to be surprisingly accurate in nearly every business model ever created.  Juran applies this to tasks, showing us that 80% of our results come from the most important 20% of our actions, so conversely 80% of our tasks don't move us very far and should therefore not be prioritized, perhaps even delegated out, and in some cases ignored completely.  Do your 20% that brings results.

2.  Melissa Wilkins lives by a 3 Item To Do list.  She teaches us to take time to identify and articulate the three most important items to accomplish and to focus only on those until completed.  The rest is filler.  She calls it, 'enough'.

3.  Simpler still, minimalist real estate entrepreneur, Gary Keller teaches us that it starts with ONE thing.  He professes that the simple truth behind extraordinary results is to ask this:  What is the one thing I can do such that by doing it everything else becomes easier or unnecessary?  And this question can be applied to any part of our lives.  Like cleaning up a mess.  Purging, means those items have become easier or unnecessary.

The common theme resounding in these examples is that reducing your list will help stay focused on getting the most important things done.  They are easy to read, simple to implement, and from experience, I can attest to their effectiveness.  Furthermore, they are great when we're focused but that goddamned coffee though.  Burnt leg, wet pants, no g*d@mn3d coffee....  *#^*&#$(#!

Ultimately, it was the dread and the panic.  Its our fears, that got the best of us in that moment the coffee splashed our crotch.  We lost focus on our tasks when we were overcome by dread, overcome by bitterness, and overcome by blaming of inanimate objects.  It was all a huge distraction away from the things that matter, only to give all our power to the goddamned coffee.

You might be familiar with the Minimalists who are known to say, "You've won when your dreams have broken through your fears."   If we think about our dreams for one moment of calm, they haven't broken our fears.  We have to be cognizant of our dreams always, even in those worst moments.  We have to not just have our 80/20 plan, but trust in it completely.  Let trust annihilate your panic in that weak moment.  The day isn't ruined.  The coffee is.  The pants are fine.  The burn is hot, but its not hospital time.  The day will progress.  That's when our dreams break our fears.  Your dreams aren't winning now as you're peacefully reading this, if they are only to be forgotten later, when it matters.

Imagine if a person were remember to dream, to trust, rather than panic, every single time there was a coffee spill, or other tragedy.  Imagine if we were the ones who responded positively to everything.

Awareness that our dream is going to include adjusting to problems and speed bumps makes the coffee spill part of the plan, part of the dream, and that is how dream becomes reality, reality becomes dream, and dreams break through the fears.  And a spilled coffee is just a laugh and a refill.

Ditto

As a person who wants to live simply, below their means, what do you do when you want to decorate and be festive? 



Moreover, what do you do when your neighbor decorates like Clark W Griswold?



Fight fire with fire?



Move to another town altogether?



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Humor for the win.

"Ditto"

Building A Tradition

Woman's Day, Christmas 1982, and the year we lost my dad to cancer.  I hope anyone from my wrestling team is able to appreciate this family's story.

It's just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas--oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it--overspending... the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and the dusting powder for Grandma---the gifts given in desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the usual shirts, sweaters, ties and so forth. I reached for something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an unusual way.

Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the junior level at the school he attended; and shortly before Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team sponsored by an inner-city church. These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears.

It was a luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford. Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat.

Mike, seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of potential, but losing like this could take the heart right out of them." Mike loved kids - all kids - and he knew them, having coached little league football, baseball and lacrosse. That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and in succeeding years. For each Christmas, I followed the tradition--one year sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story doesn't end there.

You see, we lost Mike last year due to dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and in the morning, it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has grown and someday will expand even further with our grandchildren standing to take down the envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit will always be with us.