Examine Why All The Time

I had a stressful day early this week.  It was natural stress brought on by real life family drama and hardship.  These things happen.  Someone gets sick.  A disagreement becomes a fight.  A household utility goes down.  A pet dies.  We come across all different kinds of setbacks all the time. 

Sometimes, a setback feels like a distraction because it can reduce function in other areas or take away focus.  Other times it might act as a motivator.  In either of these physical reactions, emotionally we are eventually drawn to recenter ourselves.  Its also a time when a person might resort to vices as a crutch to get through.  This is a great time to examine why.  Its important to not only rely on our inspired days.  So that's what I did today. I examined why.

Here are my reminders

Simplicity

Simplicity creates efficiency.  NAR did a study about kitchens, and found that the new style of open and expansive kitchens aren't being used to their potential.  Not only that, they are being used far less than the older, smaller, cramped kitchens that had people demanding bigger kitchens in the first place.  The conclusion is that they are widely an unnecessary luxury space purchased for reasons of vanity more than function.  We make better use of limitations than we do the limitless.  I'm just speculating, but perhaps limitations spark creativity and inspiration.

Meaningful relationships

Having less space and being less preoccupied with entertainment areas that we retreat into creates an arrangement that induces more involvement with the others around you.  Sharing space requires negotiating treaties, and taking turns with choices, and even playing together.

A tidy home

Having fewer belongings really cuts down the time it takes to clean and keep organized.  The best thing about this is how much we decrease belongings, is directly proportionate to the time to clean it up.  Once you notice this, it encourages further decluttering. 

Reconnect to nature 

There is enough entertainment options in the modern world to occupy an entire human lifetime without having to leave the house, as well as, options to have food delivered without getting dressed.  Meanwhile there are billions of living organisms just outside the door, all of which are completely fascinating and its free to admire them.

Gratitude 

Once we've eliminated the duplicates, the just in case items, the thousands of items we'd probably never use, and we've streamlined to the things that we truly need, those items become more than just items.  They become recognized as the chosen few.  They become our sustenance.  We begin to cherish the things we need and use everyday, rather than allow them to become camouflaged with all that other crap.  We take better care of them.  We truly recognize and appreciate quality over quantity.

Sustainability

Purchasing quality, taking better care of the chosen few, and cherishing the necessities culminates in having less to throw away.  It might even deliver us to zero waste.  If we fully and efficiently utilize our resources by living humbly, and intelligently, we'll discover the way to share the finite resources of this planet with each other.  We'll be able to conserve the other species of earth, and save ourselves from extinction.  We have to do it together as well as individually.   

Health

Choosing to be outside stimulates movement.  Natural sunlight is full of vitamin D.  The diversity of bacteria in soil, and stream, can help broaden the immune system.  Also, having less decreases stress.

Financial freedom

Perhaps the easiest and most winnable argument against consumerism is debt, or more accurately becoming free of debt.  Its immeasurably enticing.

Buying everything we ever wanted leads us to financial ruin and eternal servitude.  Debt is stressful.  Big bills are stressful.  Spending as little as possible frees us from the constraints that the average person carries, and the obligations they have made to their lifestyle choices.   

Deeply breathing in the good, and exhaling all of the excess. 

Keep Your Tools Sharp

Humanity is something I contemplate often.  Who we are and how we live on this earth are discussed in places of worship, in capitol buildings, in courtrooms, in our homes, in story telling, and from wall street to main street.  We debate our own greatness from nearly every angle.  From our empathy to our dominion, and regarding our actions, we proselytize our achievements and our neglect with equal reverence.  A serial killer might be just as likely to get a feature film starring Hollywood Beau-Hunk as a civil rights hero.

I reached out to a boy the other day to ask him about his thoughts on the student walk outs.  Right, wrong, terror, freedom, dangerous, protection, tyranny, survival, or tragedy; however we see this case, its ours.  I just wanted to know his feelings on it.  A rhinoceros didn't design, manufacture, advertise, defend in war, take a safety class, sell at a pawn shop, or use bullet hurling weapons to kill his peers.  Although the last male white rhino did recently die.  A tree didn't contribute either.  Nor a horse.  This object is unequivocally a human issue.  It requires the full debate of every angle of our human perspective.   ...And this post is not about the gun debate.  Its simply about striving to become a better human.

There are several definitions often spoken regarding humanity.  We have lots of varying opinions about what defines us as human.

• God created us in His image
• We're self aware
• Opposable thumbs
• We wear pants
• Top of the food chain
• We pay for everything
• We govern ourselves
• We developed our super smart brains
• Prometheus gave us fire, or more modernly stated 'science'   ...and so on.

All of these are eligible definitions.  Every opinion matters because we are part of a global community all trying to make the world a better place.  Even though we aren't always right or in agreement about what is better, I believe in our better nature, and that our collective intentions are inherently well meaning.  I also believe in our carelessness, our glorious imperfection.

A safe, clean, and talented woodworker will have lots of different tools.  Some are for cutting.  Some are for connecting.  Some are for shaping.  Some are for finishing.  The woodworker needs to know what they are for, how to operate them safely and accurately, as well as knowing what creative ways they can be used for a newly devised idea.  The woodworker also knows its better to keep a clean shop between uses.

The same is true in all of life.

Humanity can be most simply defined by its unique, great, and powerful selection of tools and we must keep them sharp.  Dull tools don't serve their purpose properly.  From the list above:

• God's creation is a tool humans used to provide answers to the unknowable mysteries, as well as for guidance, comfort, and community.  Right or wrong, no other living creature worships, but humans.
• Our self awareness is a tool we use for identification making us unique from one another.  I'm JT, and you are not JT.  JT has a license to drive, social security and voter ID.  You might have those too, but they don't say JT.  I'm JT.
• Our opposable thumbs are tools for grasping objects that other living things cannot.
• Our pants are tools that protect our most treasured bits and pieces from weather, abrasion, and looky loos.
• Being at the top of the food chain is a tool to impose our dominion.  Sushi isn't survival.  Its delicacy.
• Our money is a tool we use to barter more amicably, measurably, and conveniently.
• Our governments are tools to organize law, and to negotiate with neighbors.  Pair this with money and the structure complicates itself exponentially to provide and to keep order.
• Our brains are tools for understanding libraries full of knowledge, our education a tool for exercise and expansion. 
• Fire is a tool for hospitality. Its shelter, and for cooking, and also for creating even more tools.

As humans we are most effective, most skilled, most safe, when we properly understand how to, when, where, and most importantly, why we use them.   Every time we humans fault in our responsibility in this dominion over all things, it is inevitably caused by the misuse of a tool that we've created.  Hiroshima.  Newtown.  Excessive chemical fertilizers.  Mortgage crisis.  The holocaust.  The great depression.  Oil spills.  ...and so on.

Healthy use on the other hand makes the world a better place.  Bartering caused frequent disputes.  Money resolved most of that.  Power is fought over violently, and it lifts dictators.  Democratic voting steers us toward a more sympathetic governance.  Religion can harbor charity.  Pants are nice too.  Please wear pants.

We misuse our tools sometimes. Many are honest mistakes.  Some are not.  Most misuses aren't as deeply tragic as the human failures I mentioned above.  But as you can see, proper use builds improvements, where misuse results in tragedy.

These meditations are about some of our tools we use at home.  I encourage you to think of everything as a tool that can be used correctly, or incorrectly.  Question yourself about safety, effectiveness, ethics, and organization of all of your tools.  As humans, holding dominion, it is our responsibility to do so.

Do I track my spending?

Did I buy the appropriate square footage to meet and not exceed my needs?

Do I understand the finer points of my loan repayment rules?

Do I use all the tools in the kitchen to enrich my meals?

Do I possess items in my home that don't get used?

Do I meet neighbors and develop allied relationships with them?

Do I sparingly drive my vehicle to places where I don't really need to go?

Do I know what happens to my refuse after it leaves my home?

Do I know what processes took place for me to attain the goods I use?

Do I know the phone numbers for my representatives, how about the services they provide?

Do I wear pants for fashion, or for purpose, or at all?

Do I know what a carbon footprint is?  Have I measured mine lately?

Do I ask questions of my religion to better myself, or am I preaching my beliefs from a position of righteousness?

Everyone is different, and there aren't exactly wrong answers.  The only wrong answer, is "yes I use this tool, and I don't even think about it because I don't care."  Contemplate selfishly, but contemplate globally as well.  It all matters.

Your answers to these very personal questions can lead to your time of unique personhood on this planet being more efficient, simpler, happier, and make you a far more valuable version of yourself, not on paper, but as a part of humanity.  Our ongoing survival as a species may depend on some of this too.  As a group of 7 billion the use or misuse of our tools will be our legacy. 

As an individual, it is rewarding in other ways to keep your tools sharp and keep them simple. 

Proper use builds a more meaningful and purposeful life, one that can afford greater adventures, deeper well connected relationships, profound love, better security, and fewer regrets, just to name a few.   

Rethink the Dream

When I was 33 years old I began shopping for my first home home and I've never been so stressed, and exhilarated at the same time.  Since then, nearly everyone I've ever worked with would confirm that this is a very emotional process.  I remember looking at dozens of houses that met my requirements of having a bedroom, toilet, kitchen, etc. as well as a small outdoor space to sit and enjoy the breeze.  And I remember rejecting almost all of them because they didn't speak to me, didn't feel quite right, or were missing some kind of aesthetic.   Its mostly a hypothetical but that feeling is very real and everyone feels it.  If you've ever been there, you know what I'm talking about.

The are really only two significant factors people measure when processing their various choices of a new residence.  The list of pros and cons we write out might be lengthy, even arduous.  Nevertheless, underneath all the details lies contrasting motivation at the core that is driven by only two things. 

1. Financial Investment

2. Status Fulfillment

The first rule of real estate is location, location, location.  When thinking about the investment, we might think about how far an address is from our work.  When thinking about status fulfillment we might think about what a neighborhood says about our particular demographic or maybe...

• What style of grocer is nearby.  
• What a particular street says about our career success.  
• How safe our neighbors make us feel.   
• The attractiveness of the home might speak to our personality somehow.   
• Some might even look to the immediate neighboring properties referring to overall image.  

We apply for a mortgage.  We choose our financial plan to fit the price point of the home that we already found while window shopping, and if we find out we don't qualify, it becomes really hard to downgrade.  If we qualify for more, we might even reassess a concession or two, that we assumed we would have to make, rather than staying within the budget we've chosen, simply because the banking professional said we could afford more.

• We trust that.  
• We don't question it.  
• We congratulate ourselves for being more awesome than previously thought, and we reward ourselves.  
• We accept the lending limitation as a recommendation of what we should buy, because we deserve it, rather that treat it like the ceiling of risk that it is.

Its so easy to spend more.  Its so hard to spend less.  And its a dangerous trap we allow ourselves to fall into.

When tragedy or other financial roadblock strikes our family things get really tight, or even impossible.  The investment is broken and needs to be rescued because the plan didn't work out.  And its the fault of circumstance, not because we weren't safer up front.

• We seek rescue from outside sources for medical bills.   
• Our status isn't broken.  
• We continue to see ourselves as part of the affluent neighborhood.  

At this point, its become a dangerous trap that we have already fallen into, and we blame the unforeseen event, because our sweat and tears went into the home.  And because its our house,  because our community, our identity.  We were qualified.   We deserve.  We can prove our worthiness.

You see, during nearly every stage of housing, when it comes to our residence, we first consider our status fulfillment and only secondly consider our financial investment. 

• And we've been doing it wrong.  
• We've been doing it wrong for decades. 
• We can, we must, and we will change our thinking.  

1.  Financial Investment

2.  Status Fulfillment

3.  See What Order Those Are Prioritized and Check Yourself Often

Be humble.  Live small.  Invest wisely.  Put the ego aside, not only that, kick it to the curb.  Strive for a mortgage free life.   With no rent.  With no bank (ask me how).

Imagine how easy it will be to pay bills when we all own, free and clear.

Even the humblest of houses becomes a worthy treasure to cherish in this light.

This is how we rethink, reimagine, reshape, and rebuild the American Dream.

Communication Creates Education

For those of you who don't already know, my day job is Realtor, and I work with a custom builder.  We talk all the time about maximizing the usefulness of square footage, calculating value of square footage, energy efficiency.  He wants profits, and I want minimalism.  We have awesome debates about how to change the world.

There are restraints that keep us from building really progressive, compact, energy efficient homes.  You might be surprised what those restraints are.  The popular theory is: The government doesn't want us to, and there is some truth to that.  HUD analyzes the status of community all across the nation, determines any unmet need, and creates a direction.  This can cause red tape, like in regional zoning.  There may or may not be square footage limitations.  However, before the government makes their recommendations there is human flow and societal direction.  This is based on population centers, infrastructure needs, and ultimately their plan is determined by supply and demand.  Supply.  That's everything our demands have already built.  Demand.  That's us.  That's you.  That's me.  That's all of our friends and neighbors.

I just met with future new home owners.  They are a retirement age couple.  They have new needs determined by aging biology.  Keep in mind, that their opening statement at our design meeting was that they knew exactly what they wanted because they have built before and because they are old and experienced (their words, not mine).  They currently live in a 1700 square foot home, and saw our marketing for efficiently designed floor plans, and desired a similar slab on grade, single level living and wanted to meet to discuss a custom design.  They desired simplification and efficiency customized to meet their new needs.  We proposed an all one level 1200-1400 square feet 2 bedroom 2 bath.  Their idea was a 2500 square foot meandering and sprawling rambler with a 3 car garage.

We were not on the same page.  We began to negotiate a middle ground.  We ended at 1700 square feet, right where they began but without stairs.  I thought to myself that some people seeking simplicity are perhaps thinking that more space is the answer to clutter.  And that minimalism, having the appearance of excellent organization, comes across visually as wide open spaces.  While others are proactively creating space within the same space by removing the unnecessary.

My point is this:  Who is there to reign in our habits of excess? and How do we approach simplicity? Some of us have discovered our own ways to reduce.  To reevaluate need vs want.  To embrace the crucial.  To discard the glut.  But most of us have yet to discover reduction as a solution to our complications.  Even when they are specifically shopping for simple, they might be buying more.  Its almost as if there is a need there, the soul knows it, but the brain hasn't assessed it yet.  We need to be having these conversations with everyone.  We also need more people to be acting responsibly about living spaces.  1000 square feet is plenty of space for two people.  I know because CS and I live in less than that and we still have two rooms that are mostly unused.

Who do you know that desires simplicity, but can't calculate it?  And have you talked with them about it?

How do you think we can help those who feel it but don't act rationally on it?

Small Home, Big Investment

I have a secret to share about home ownership as an investment in real estate.

Its not about how much you pay and the return value on the sale that will make your investment smart.  You have no control over the changing markets.

Its about how fast you can buy yourself out from the bank's interest in your home.  This is what you can control.

Its about working toward owning outright.  No mortgage.  And don't move every 7 years.  Stay in that house, like its yours.  Because it is.

Be humble.  Be simple.  Be minimal.  

Smaller space to fill.  Smaller repair costs.  Smaller taxes.  Smaller payoff.  Smaller energy costs.  Smaller decorating costs.  Less cleaning.  Less organizing.  Less decluttering.  Less everything that you use every single day.  Less principal.  Less interest.  Fewest payments.  The savings are exponential when you reduce by even one extra room.

So don't buy property at your max qualifying amount.  Ever.  Don't ever max out your credit on buying a home. Ever.  Ever.  Ever.

Ever.

To Become Debt Free

"After 4 years of focus, we’re now completely debt free and thrilled about the future ahead of us.  Last month, we paid off the $195,000 mortgage on our dream home."  That's how this blog by jackie began.  Of course I read the whole thing.  The achievement is impressive and should be sought after by everyone.  The original is stacked with advertisements and the content is pretty fluffy.  So, I summarized the meat, and shaved out the paperwork piñata, numerous family photos of said piñata, and summarized the valued content.  This way you and your household can add your own creative flavor to make the intentional, determined, hard work of the project fun in your own way, lose the fences and live free and wild and out from under the oppressive thumb of wall street.

These are great financial tips they used to pay off  $195k in such a short time:

1. Know why.  

If you don't know why you want to become debt free from banks, you won't care how to become debt free from banks, because you won't be motivated to become debt free from banks.  Yes, I said that three times on purpose, and will again.  I work in the largest industry in the world, real estate, and I can promise you, banks down't want you to learn this stuff.  Everyone has different reasons they'd like to live debt free.   Your reasons are your own and you need to know them  for yourself.  Banks profit from your debt and they want to keep you there.  One more time, say it out loud "I want to become debt free from banks"  


2. Mortgage Payment Goal: 25% DTI

Loan originators, or mortgage brokers, will bring up something called your debt to income ratio.  The simple math to understand the basics of this is this: (projected mortgage payment plus any existing debt payments) divided by monthly income.  Now the bank requirements to qualify for the home loan is maximum approx 43%.  It fluctuates just like interest rates do based on current economy metrics.  After factoring in all other standard expenses of the average household, 43% in modest housing markets is an estimated paycheck to paycheck lifestyle.  But they don't down sell you the benefits of aiming for 30 or 25.  Instead, they will lend people right to the bank maximum time and time again without blinking because we'd all like the cuter, smarter house that costs more and they profit from our happiness with the product at the end of the rainbow.  This margin line is where foreclosures often come from.  Mortgage to the hilt > hardship > foreclosure > sorry Charlie, start over in 3 - 7 years.  Use a calculator and do your own math rather than trust the bank recommendations, okay?  They'll tell you you qualify for up to 325K, don't buy there, buy something more comfortable, more modest.  Veer yourself, your taste, your greed as far away south of that marginal DTI as possible.


3. 15-Year Fixed Rate Mortgage

If you and your lender can make this work on your income do it.  The interest savings are tremendous.  Right off the cuff, I want to say its over 40% of your principal in savings value, not to mention it automatically has you paying out in half the time.  180 payments instead of 360.  The monthly amount is a bit higher, so I suggest buying an even smaller house to make up for it.  You don't need all that extra space anyway, right?  Say it again, "debt free from banks"!


4. Live on 50% of Your Income

From the same model as mentioned above on monthly payments the bank model estimates recommended 43% for the home loan leaving 57% toward other costs, like energy, taxes, insurance, grocery, entertainment, etc.  Now shave 7% more out of this.  Some suggestions on where you might find these rogue dollars: 

• Dump your cable TV
• Shop smarter at the grocery
• Find free entertainment opportunities (libraries are an untapped resource)
• Forego coffee baristas
• Don't drink alcohol

5. Have a goal, create a plan, and commit to it!

This is just a functional facet of any important and challenging project.  We help people succeed with this kind of thing because it can be daunting.

• You can read a summary about goal setting over time HERE or, 
• You can request more personal assistance HERE
• Let's say that phrase aloud again, "I want to become debt free from banks!"

6. Increase Your Income

Bust ass at work and win that promotion, or get that raise.  
Earn more commissions if you're not salaried
Get that O.T. if you're paid hourly. 
Side Hustle - there are many books written on this subject.  I personally know a guy who makes his entire living this way.  


7. Track Expenses

Budgeting works for some people, tracking expenses works for anyone.  Even those who categorize their budget can miss budget leaks in the little expenses that add up.  An unnoticeable $2 habit can easily become $50 per month.  Watch every penny, not because you're a miser, but because you want to be informed about your own usage.


If you can do all of these, you should have created a healthy financial position that not only keeps you in the black, but also builds a substantial kitty.  If you're smart, which I know you are, you leave a significant enough portion in there for rainy day expenses, and you've also figured out that you can make **interest free, penalty free, principal only** payments toward your mortgage.  Repeat that.  "Interest free, Penalty free, Principal only Payments."  This is how Jackie really reduced the 30 year made 15 year plan into just under 4 years.  Interest is compounded monthly.  These interest free, penalty free, principal only payments, reduce the total amount you owe, as well as remove time from the end of the loan.  Her household succeeded at all 7 of the above tips.  Maybe you can only do one.  Maybe more.  Maybe all.  Whatever the capabilities are in your household, the sooner you can act, the more impact you'll have in race to become debt free from banks!     

Catalyst of Doing

One of our readers, and if I may boast a little, truly great friend, has been engaging us and acting upon her desires to clean up, and simplify her life.  She reached a moment of clarity over a skin care product. Before I share, there is something you should know about our friend Christine.  She is an early bird.  She wakes up when its dark, has a commute that most people would cringe at to get to her job in the city, and usually has time to crank out a household chore or two, as well as hitting the gym before the day is upon us.  So while most of us are hustling just to make time to enjoy our morning tea, or coffee, know that she is out there making her life better on small step at a time.  The thing is, our truest epiphanies don't come from clever writings by our favorite blogger, or even books with brilliant authors, not even from time tested musings of ancient philosophers.  They come from the little actions we force ourselves to turn into habits, which is what our coaching focuses on.  That is where our real breakthroughs emerge.  

Doing is the catalyst for change.  Christine writes this about one of hers this way:

I’ve spent the morning pondering and justifying.

I’m part of an ongoing discussion/quest about downsizing, minimalism, reducing my personal consumerism.

So, this morning, as I’m getting ready and purging the mess that is my make up cabinet/drawer…my mind was wandering.

I threw out a moisturizer I absolutely hated.

I’d been keeping it and FORCING myself to use it, because that’s the responsible thing to do, right?

Wasteful to throw the product out, I’ll need to replace it with SOMETHING else…so just suck it up sister.

Nope, I chucked it….and instantly heaved a sigh of relief, even with incurring the cost of replacement.

It did raise a few thoughts for me though.

So often, I think, decluttering focuses on “stuff”, the unuseful mythical monster that steals our spaces and our time dealing with it.

In my head, that’s always been objects, like that ugly lamp or the figurines….or your momma’s rock/tree bark collection , etc., etc., etc..

But what about what we’ve labeled as useful, practical, etc.?

It’s not just about purging the excess….it’s about purging what is no longer useful /wanted/needed.

It’s not just about clearing your physical space, but also your mental one.

Sometimes the catalyst is a huge life event, break up, loss, mid life crisis and sometimes it’s just a slow realization that you need to change your environment.

CS respond that for her: "hanging onto skincare can carry over into holding onto a lot of things I didn't want, didn't use, and that took up a lot of place-space and head space.  As for the emotional stuff... when I finally internalized "there is no closure" it was life changing.  I wasn't always going to get that last goodbye."

Tell us about the time you made a breakthrough

How to: 7 Tips Toward Financial Freedom

Benjamin Franklin said, "If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality."  What I take away from this, is that the most excessive financial waste we create is when we don't spend our time wisely.  Or in other words, time will always be worth more than money.  Our life is a limited resource.  We all die.  Some far sooner than others.  No matter how wealthy a person becomes in their workplace, they'll likely still feel undervalued.  When I started thinking of money or value in terms of time, or life energy spent, it changed my entire outlook on monetary value.

Nevertheless, it exists in order to peaceably trade toward sustaining our lives.

Here is some financial advice that match minimalist values, and over time, become priceless pearls of wisdom, such that even Ben Franklin would approve.


1.  Never buy a car unless you are paying cash

Include in this point, any depreciating material item for that matter.  Example: You don't really need a new phone every year.  While a loan accrues interest, new personal property items bought in a retail market only go down in value.  100% of the time this is a losing investment in which your debt goes up and  the value of your toy plummets.  You've tried to sell something used in the secondary market before I'm sure.  Buyers are savvy.  They won't overpay you for your used stuff.  Stuff you paid the bank a healthy markup in order to acquire.


2. Give charitably, even when you're broke

This might sound counter intuitive, and I assure you that it is, and I promise I'm not crazy.  Giving, especially when strapped, is a potent reminder that some are even worse off, struggling harder, and are even more desperate.  The benefit to us is that we do better when we're hungry.  Reminding ourselves that the bottom is down there brings us a step closer to the danger of hitting it.  We'll suddenly want it more.  We'll watch our waste closer.  And sooner rather than later we'll be on top again.  Not to mention the added bonus of feeling good for not only helping ourselves, we also helped someone else.  Its a great way to turn pessimism into optimism.  Probably still doubting me, right?  Try it sometime.  You'll see.


3.  The top three wasteful financial decisions humans make, in order, are:

• Too much house
• Too much vehicle
• Too much entertainment

People are quick to argue that the house is an investment, and they aren't wrong.  However, if a small house that meets basic needs is a good investment, then an excessive house is a terrible investment.  In fact it becomes exponentially more expensive, in adjacent costs like energy, maintenance, and so on.  Similarly with the car, which was already covered above.  Entertainment can get a bit cloudy, particularly when considering how it is healthy to spend on experiences.  Your ideas of experience versus entertainment may differ from mine.  So here its important to examine if how much you are spending appropriately adheres to your values.


4. If/when you partner up with your life mate. live on one income

Imagine if you combine incomes, live and spend like you have two salaries, and a child is expected, or one of you becomes ill, or otherwise unemployed, and you can no longer keep your home caught up.  Financial stress is one of the leading contributors to divorce, greater even than infidelity.  In fact, the only problem that supersedes money is communication.  Don't let wasted money destroy your partnership, destroy your love.  Its a silly risk to take, considering that special someone is irreplaceable.

Conversely, during good times, a strong second income supplements savings, crushes debts, expedites goals, and builds real wealth.  Partnering up should elevate you to next level support and comfort.


5. Don't base your career choices solely on money

If you are currently on the hunt in the employment market, this is something you'll be looking at.  And rightfully so, which is why I feel compelled to stress this.  Speaking as a man who has changed careers more than once, and seen my wages fluctuate accordingly, I am completely confident telling you now that it is not the most important thing.  Household budgets can handle a little flexibility.  Personal satisfaction and stress levels can make you a stronger person, or a miserable human being.  There are benefits to making a little extra, so please do pay attention to your monetary value on a job.  Just don't hang it all on that in sacrifice of more important qualities.  The benefits of being content, even satisfied with your day to day life, and the positive energy that comes from feeling like you are on the correct path, will far outweigh the perks of a little extra money.


6. Track your income and expenses

Money is often compared to water.  Underwater.  Trying to stay afloat.  etc.  Knowing where you stand, and what your habits are will make the difference between a cruising vessel or a sinking ship.  Here's another Franklin quote for you:  "Beware of little expenses.  A small leak will sink a great ship."


7. Kick the crap out of your home loan as quickly as possible

Somewhere along our history the American Dream was overtaken by Keeping up with the Joneses.  The most common interpretation of that being: keep up with their yard, their car, their paint, their smoker, their holiday party, and even their children.  Essentially its a rat race toward excess and extravagance.  Because we keep our bankbooks a secret, nobody is in a race with their neighbor to see who can pay down the loan and get out of the mortgage first.  And why not?  Keep your rust bucket car.  Then laugh at them when they are still buried in debt in 20 years and you've owned outright for the past 5.  They'll never catch up with you, even with that shiny new BMW.  :No mortgage payment."  Say that out loud to yourself.  Think about the freedom in that.  Now Say it again, only a little louder and with some enthusiasm so whoever is closest can hear you.  That will be a fun conversation starter.

A single extra monthly payment per year can shave as much as 7 years* off the end of your bank note.  That's 23 payments removing 7 years.  That's 5 years and 1 month of money you didn't actually have to spend.  Why not make 2 extra, or even 3?   Another thing to think about here, is that the sooner you make principal only payments, the greater the impact they have on the time that is removed.  Betterjones covers this in our Simple American Dream workshops.  Inquire about this if you'd like to know more.

*This varies depending on your interest rate.

My Rookie Mistakes

When I purchased my first piece of Real Estate, I had intended on filling it with family.  3 bedrooms.  2 family rooms.  Spacious fenced in yard.  On paper this was a perfect starter home, ready for little ones to grow into.

When those plans fizzled, something else happened to all that space which was completely unintended.  I filled it with everything else with no real plan or goal in mind.  It wasn't obnoxious spending by any means.  I collecting things that made sense for the space and at the time it became a habit.  And it seemed like a healthy one.

Oh, it was stylish enough.  It made sense.  Guests that came were walking into a complete and welcoming home.  At least it looked that way.

The home appeared the way it should, and yet, I was not a complete person.  I was on autopilot, filling the emptiness in my space; filling an emptiness in my soul.  I had no life plan.  I had no serious goals.  I wasn't growing as a person.  I wasn't gaining knowledge, or experience, and I found myself house poor.

Plan A didn't work and there was no Plan B.  ...and just like that 7 years were gone.

I had lost myself.  

When space is available we look to fill it, even when we don't know we are doing it.  When we get on a path we might just keep walking whether its the right direction or not.  I did.  For so many reasons, and so many excuses, I was stuck on the wrong path.  I wasn't able to turn it around and get on the right one because I didn't take the time to truly analyze myself, my plans, my desires, and therefore, my orientation.  I just kept walking the walk. 

The lessons to be learned from this are:

1. While you are decluttering, be aware of the direction you want your life to go.  If you don't, it is very likely you'll do some wasteful spending on new crap you don't need and be right back where you started with less money and less time.

And on a larger scale:

2. Start smaller with your home.  Even if you know you want to grow, you don't know how much you will actually need yet, and just like your grandparents, you will find a way to make do with what you have.  Its just a financially smarter investment to make.  Exponentially smarter.  If I'm wrong, and I'm never wrong, (wink wink) by the time it gets so crowded that you truly need more, you will be able to afford to up-size.

~In case you are curious about how it is exponentially smarter, inquire about my "Simple American Dream" sessions, and let's talk.

3. Always be examining your values during times of change.  Plans rarely work out exactly as we design.  New challenges show up at inopportune moments.  Life has its own plan.  You know this, so be ready for forks in the road, so that you can react accordingly.  Be mentally available for yourself to examine a Plan B when things don't go the way you wanted.

4. Deeply consider your motivation for purchasing that.   Over the decades consumer markets have become better and better at convincing us what we need.  Most of it is predatory, and it feeds on our fears, and our desires.  Understand your own needs, and the needs of your family, and be confident enough to say "no" to all the things that you don't require in order to be productive in ways that fulfill your goals and values.   Be aware of this before every point of purchase.

5. Have goals.  Have goals and give them your full efforts.  Live Minimalism, and live ferociously in a way that is fulfilling to your soul.

How much space and money will you use more wisely?

Fake News Sucks Our Life

Decluttering your facebook newsfeed of junk news requires our input, because facebook promised they were going to work on the transparency of this nonsense, but not rid us of it.  Tip Number One:  Don't go on facebook very much, its kind of a waste of time anyway.  But when you do, if you're anything like me, you'd prefer helpful tips on living well, and newborn baby pictures, distant relative updates, gorgeous vaction pics, and funny stuff your friends are up to. 

Not this crap:

I discovered one helpful way to get worthless news, adorned with a photo of an even shittier president, out of the mix, at least mostly, so I don't have to scroll past image after image of ridiculous tweet updates from an annoying attention seeker. 

Many of these posts can be dropped from your feed!!

If at the very top, it is an original post from a page you are liking / following like NPR, Wall Street Journal,or some other real news outlet, then you should probably leave it alone because you chose to enjoy their valued content, and patiently wait until this dumpsterfire parade of ridiculousisms is over, because your favorite news organizations are doing the best they can with this national administration that is anything but normal.  But what if its your acquaintance, Jane from work, and the content is entering your feed second hand from her facebook usage?

If, at the top, it says "Jane shared this post"  You won't get the correct options to just eliminate the news source because Jane intended us to read it by putting it on her wall, in which case, if Jane does this a lot, you may want to consider unfollowing Jane.  If its rare, be patient.

If at the top it says "Jane commented on this" you can hide Jane's strange posting habits, while keeping Jane.

Instructions: 

In the top right corner of the post there is an ambiguous "[...]" for us to click on. 

Options come up many of which are self explanatory.  Here are the important ones:

• "[Hide all from Jane]"  Don't click this unless you find everything Jane posts to be annoying, if so go for it.

• "[Hide all from Stupid News Opinions page}"  Click this, and you'll never be recommended anything from the Set the Dumpster Ablaze right wing anger, or Bleeding Left Sap and the President is a sick whacko, news opinion garbage ever again. 

***Caution*** There are a bazillion of these, so it will take some time, but you can throw these junk sites out of your newsfeed and gradually they thin out and become quite rare.  I've spent the last two weeks, in ten minute micro bursts, telling that little "[...]" box that I don't want to see any more of these, and my feed is a much more honest and friendly place to browse my friends updates.  Its also rewarding to watch each particular 'article' disappear before your eyes.

Now, get off of facebook, and do something more productive.  :) 

Lazy Susan of Gratitude

Gratitude is something that comes naturally to those living with very little.  For so many Americans it is a sentiment that has been somewhat lost due to affluence, consumerism and the dogmatic belief that economic growth is necessary.  Abundance of material goods has been the answer to our desires for so long that we've developed a generational problem of excess.  For some it is so bad that they've been deemed hoarders.  

So.  Let's say you're living with very little because you've wised up and realized your needs don't have to weigh you down so much.  Living with little has saved you money, and in your simplicity your family budget starts to feel affluent.  Your mortgage is going to be paid off early.  You're out of debt.  Your buying needs are minimal.  You are living the dream, and you can financially support your kids, better than your parents could for you.  This is worth celebration, or it should be but...

The catch is that you notice they might be losing touch with the gratitude for the bare minimum that you held so dear in your own life.  You don't want them to fall into the trap.

This is one idea from guest writer Elizabeth Di Grazia

.......

Entitlement is not a disease that I suffer from. In 1970, I was one of the kids who in middle school stood in the principal’s office amidst a tangle of classmates wondering why I was there. I was no stranger to the principal’s office. However, as I looked around at the others gathered, I wondered what our connection was. The Principal explained that a free lunch program started, and the ones gathered would be receivers of this new subsidy for low income families. Sweeping the small room with my eyes, I took stock. Two students were my siblings, the other seven were from families in our small town and farming community. We all knew each other. We were the ones on the fringes. It wasn’t difficult in our small community to know where you were on the economic ladder.

There wasn’t any money for a letterman’s jacket, yearbook, or class pictures. You knew what you could and couldn’t ask for at Christmas time. I never expected any inheritance from my parents. They simply didn’t have the money.

Jody and I feel blessed and fortunate for what we have. We truly are the lucky ones who have enough in this world.

Our teenage children also have enough. They don’t lack for anything. As well as having jobs, they have parents who like to give to them.

They have the letterman jackets, the yearbooks, the mopeds, and spending money.

Sometimes they feel entitled. They want for more.

This is when we stop. Give pause. In a way that isn’t too overbearing, too apparent, or overt, we seek to bring to their attention what they have. We want them to feel fortunate and blessed like we do. The best way we have found is to say, “No”. Or, “Use your own money from your job”. Or, “Write a letter what you are grateful for”. Or, “Fill a bag with toys, clothes, or whatever you are asking for to give away before we buy anything new”. Or, “Look around at others in your school and your community and notice the disparity”.

Our 4 trips to Guatemala, their birth country, have helped. We don’t need to say anything. They see what we see. As soon as we leave the airport, all of us are shocked into another reality.

This past Christmas, instead of opening presents on Christmas Eve, we played a grateful game. 

Though that isn’t what we called it. It was simply a game. The four of us joined together for a round robin of what we received during the year without it being on our birthday or holiday. Jody and I wanted the children to acknowledge all that they are blessed with. There was plenty.

Spring vacation Florida trip, South Dakota summer vacation, mopeds, helicopter rides, hot air balloon rides, Everglades airboat ride, jet ski rides, letterman jacket, updates to our house, etc.

Prior to our round robin, we did open one gift. A family values lazy susan. Words of wisdom, love and encouragement are colorfully displayed on this decorative table centerpiece. It would be great if this simple reminder would leave the teens feeling full of gratitude all year long. I doubt it.

That’s when we can pause. Stop. And, start counting our blessings.

.......

As you become more successful, how will you pass down your ideals of humility, small carbon footprint, and living well within your means?

The Perfect Closet

We just lost another loved one.  Mourning is a period that is unpredictable, and undefined, and it is something that needs to be respected in others.  The way we react to loss, there is no number of days that is appropriate, no level of emotion that is wrong.  There are no set of rules that can dictate how hard it will hit because every connection is different.  The love we share in each of the relationships that we build in our little lives is uniquely profound.  No two relationships are the same and the strength of each connection is immeasurable, so much so in fact, that a loss can often sneak up and make for a huge surprise.

As a general guideline, the more contact is made the deeper the loss is felt.  Like if someone in the home passes; someone that we see and share space with every single day, then the grieving is likely going to be a tougher process than someone distant and sparse, then again, its still just a guideline.

When my mother lost her husband, his wardrobe stayed in the closet for years.  There was no explanation for it, and there was no need.  I know I never heard anyone question that.  Mom, two boys, and an empty seat at the table.  An empty chair in front of the hearth.  The clothes weren't empty.  His smell was still in them.  And so, there they stayed like a soft shrine.  We could measure our growth by how much of his shoes we could fill.  We could wrap our arms around the shirt tails and squeeze them while inhaling.  Us boys were little, so keeping those clothes was perhaps an attempt to fill a profound family need.  Sons without a father have an emptiness.  A mother compensating for that requires no explanation.  A new mother and new widow, can have a million reason as to why she keeps his boots, belts, jeans, flannels hanging in their place.  We grew up with the lingering smell in the master closet as a surrogate for paternal guidance.

Decades later, even with the closet long purged, that misplaced guidance still sometimes lingers out there when called upon, just the way that emptiness does that.  Its a dark vacancy.  Whenever seeking answers and without the right person to turn to, the void is often all that is found.  Like an undefined longing, out of sight, out of reach, yet persistent.  That closet in the far corner of the master bedroom is still there, like an impotent memory, a false idol, a parcel that clung to our lives, unworthy of the very real person it represented.  Memories become distorted over time.  The man we lost isn't identical to the man we remember.  The closet never made mistakes or got angry.  It was inanimate and yet it was perfect.

In June of 2017 we gathered at a cousin's house, all of us a bit crabby, sweaty and burdened over the parsing out of grandmother's belongings.  All in all, she had 2 full size storage units full of furniture, books, utensils, decor, all the things a greatest generation nonagenarian might have in her home, including things called "collectibles".   It made me sad that her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren were all gathered together, just to be cranks at one another over her stuff.  Its a dishonorable way to let go of someone who dedicated so much of their life so that we could thrive.  We may never all be assembled in one place like that again.  A priority is remarkably misplaced in our humanity.

There is nothing quite like the acute and awesome power of death to really remind us how little importance there is in all the stuff we attain while we are alive.  We miss the person when they go.  Their soul is not living on in their belongings.  The memory of the deceased lives on within us.  We're the ones who attach that memory to the stuff and we don't need to do that.  Our minds actually remember better without it.  We'd be honoring their memory a great deal more justly if we were better at physically letting go, and instead hung onto how they touched our lives.